Life As I Knew It

I thought I might need to put an update of what is going on with me, since I'm the one that created this blog for friends and family. :) I've just been reflecting on my life and wondering how did I get here? I don't mean in the hospital on Iv's, I mean for my CF lungs to be so bad that I am on a list for a double lung transplant. When I was in my 20's I used to always have the mantra "CF won't kill me, it will just aggravate me the rest of my life". I also said I never wanted to get a transplant. Back then I was working, spending time with friends and family, shopping, just living life. Now I am just existing. It seems like so long ago. It makes the decision to have a transplant much easier when you get to the point that your everyday life has come to a halt. Some of the things I miss is being able to visit friends and family. To be able to get out of my house is a treat in itself these days, but I don't have the energy most days. I save outings for doctor appointments. I miss shopping, even grocery shopping. I remember when I COULD grocery shop I thought I hated it. Now I long to have those days back. To be able to "run to mom's house". Although I never actually ran any step of it, I could jump in my car and go without worrying about becoming too tired from having to sit down many times, in the process of getting dressed, to catch my breath back even though I was wearing oxygen.

There are a lot of things I miss and I believe I will be able to do again. I may receive a call for lungs today and it may be a year from today and it may never come. No matter how this journey ends, I will have no regrets.............